Check In: Plans – a thing to embrace – and a tree analogy.

by goatlove

Things are going swimmingly.  Still new ideas, for writing and for life, every dang day.  I feel rejuvenated and overwhelmed.  Five and ten-year maybe-plans are beginning to take a very hazy, foggy shape.  I haven’t had a long-term plan for myself for over a year, so this is really something, folks!

A year and a half ago I thought I had a pretty solid plan lined up, ducks all in a row… and then the inevitable cog lurched itself into my wheels and suddenly all my plans sprouted wings and flew right out the window.  After a little over a year of feeling uninspired and motionless, I realized I needed a change.  And it needed to be big.

Fast forward through 5 months of staying in my Durham, NC comfort zone – stable job, familiar town, wonderful support group of friends – plus a month of heart and desert exploration plus 3 and a half months of farm living in Maine… and here I stand.  Now I have so many ideas of things to do with my life, so many options for what I could be, and so many hopes for what I can do for others that I can barely contain myself (if you could look at my insides, you’d see that they’re jumping up and down).  I don’t believe in greatness, or measuring it.  But I do believe in impact.  I hope to have an impact here.  And I need it to be big.

I’m moving closer and closer to making a commitment to one or some of these grand ideas of mine, but something is still tugging me away in other directions.  It’s scary out there on a limb.  I know there are hands on the ground ready to catch me. And there are mouths in the leaves speaking words of encouragement.  And the roots of this tree will hold steadfast for as long as I need support.  But the limb will be mine alone.  I’m almost ready to start inching my way out there, but I’m still talking myself out of whatever fear this is… fear of failure?  Fear of responsibility?

So what’s all this rambling about, anyway?!  What’s the new idea?!…
Designing, coordinating, and facilitating a structured regional apprenticeship program in down east Maine.  Of course, that’s a pretty big idea…

Advertisements