Check in: Old habits… die hard? Hardly dying.

by goatlove

I just kind of have to laugh at myself sometimes.

I came up here to icelandic-in-its-remoteness downeast Maine for a few reasons, one of them being to remove myself from what had become an exhausting social life.  Yes, my Durham friendships filled my heart in so many ways, but I just didn’t, for the life of me, know how to say “no” to anything.  My social life was depleting any sort of emotional and physical reserves I had.  I lost a sense of balance, forgot about the independent things I do that ground me: art, projects, writing, reading.

So why am I laughing at myself?  When I wasn’t looking, forming a network of friends sneaked itself into a more prominent position on my things-to-do-in-Maine priority list.  Sometime in the past week I allowed myself the realization that meeting people, connecting (with) people, organizing people, is a central part of what makes me me.  It’s a habit?  An instinct?  A gift?  Whatever it is, how foolish I was to think that I could separate myself from the need for relationships/friendships/people.

Though I’m still trying to find balance in the things that I save just for myself.  I’m putting focus on my art (I found a wonderful pottery studio at the CCLC!) and projects (I always have a thousand going at once).  I’d like to make more time for writing and reading.  I’ve been feeling incredibly inspired to write, and reading feeds that creative energy.

So I’m trying to allow priorities to be fluid while also realizing what the core parts of myself are, the things that, when I forget about them,  I lose a piece of myself.

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